Fairytales are for Princesses, not Spazzy Gay Guys
by all-time-tacos
Summary: Don'tKillKenny wrote the first for chapters but me and sam are finishing btw we have permission to do so )


Everybody thinks I'm a disappointment, I know it! They always say I'm not, that I'm fine just the way I am, but I know they're lying. I was disappointing people, even as soon as I was born!

My Mom and Dad really wanted a girl, and for some reason were sure that I was one. They never seemed to think things out too well. They had bought some pink and purple clothes, decorated my room with pink and purple paint, and bought a book full of princess fairytales. I guess its no wonder I am the way I am now.

Every night, since my parents couldn't afford to change my wardrobe or my books yet because the coffee shop wasn't doing too well, my Mom would tuck me in and read me a bed time story. Apparently, my favorite was Snow White. Even now, I still find it beautiful to think that she was asleep for so long, poisoned within, and then the prince from her past came back and saved her with a simple kiss.

I would fall asleep to dreams of princes and fairytales. That must have contributed to me being gay now; sleeping underneath my pink and purple lace comforter, dreaming of being saved by a prince.

Soon after that, my parents started giving me coffee. I was always sort of a nervous kid, I guess, but it had to have worsened by at least ten times after they started stuffing my body full of caffeine. Even worse, I started pre-school after that.

I never had any friends there, and they always laughed at me, 'the twitcher'. Of course, that only fueled my newfound paranoia. My parents assured me that everything was fine, they could never seem to focus on the real problems, just keep talking about stupid coffee-related metaphors! AUGH!

One day, when I was sitting in the corner, my only means to avoid Trent, the bad kid, alarms started going off. I looked over and saw the teacher on fire. Everyone was screaming, oh my god, even now I can't help but think about how much pressure that was! And since, at the time, I had absolutely no idea how to deal with my serious pressure issues (yeah, my parents overlook that too), I just broke down and cried. The fire was spreading and I couldn't move from that corner, and no one saw me, or cared enough to save me. At least that was what I thought.

"Come on, we have to get out of here!" A high-pitched nasal voice called out to me. I look up and saw a blonde boy tugging on my arm, with a brunette boy and a black one screaming at him to hurry up. I just ran along with him, and soon we were outside. The parents rushed to the school as soon as they heard, and my parents saw me freaking out, so they gave me more coffee. I decided to muster up the courage to thank my hero.

"H-h-h-h-hi, ERG, th-thanks f-for saving my life, I-I owe you one. GAH!" I had a terrible stutter. He just look at me, and stared.

"Sure, no problem, just try to move faster next time." And with that, he walked away with his parents. I found out later that his name was Craig Tucker. Yeah, I know, he's actually a blonde, it's weird! And almost every night I could sleep, for years, I dreamed of my prince Craig coming to save me.

Then, there was that time in grade three, where Stan and Kyle told me that Craig hated me. I had no idea what to think, and then I saw him flip me off, it was way too much for me to handle! So, I called him a jerk, all I could do. We were arranged to fight after school.

That day at lunch, he confronted me. He looked all tough, and strong, I wished I could be like that too. I think that I was just twitching there like an idiot, just like in pre-school. I still wonder if he even remembers that.

"Why would you say I'm a poop-eater? What have I ever done to you?"

"Huh? I never said that! GAH! You're the one who said you chose me!"

"What, I thought you chose me!"

"NO!"

"Ok, guess there's nothing really for us to fight about then." And so, he left. I was left there to think about how cool he was. I knew even then that something was wrong with me for thinking like that, but Mom and Dad said it was simply a phase that would pass. Yeah, they had said that it was a phase for four fucking years at that point!

Eventually, we did fight. We both tied. We both ended up in the hospital and killed Kenny (GAH! We're bastards! Too much pressure!). We somehow managed to become friends in that hospital room, and hung out with him and his 'gang' after that. Well, for a while at least. Then, Kenny died, what we thought was permanent this time.

I ended up becoming Stan, Kyle, and Cartman's new friend after that. I left Craig's group and joined them.

"What, are we not good enough for you now or something, princess?" Craig confronted me. It felt odd, him calling me princess. At the same time, now that I think about it, I did really deserve that. I guess that I was hoping that I could prove to everyone that I wasn't a coward, and more importantly, to Craig.

Craig was probably the bravest guy I knew, and still is. And one thing I knew about Craig was that he didn't like scrawny cowards, like me. And if you really wanted to be known as brave, you hung out with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman. They always got themselves into weird 'adventures of sorts.

"Well, maybe this could ERG be good for me? After all, a little adventure never GAH hurt a-a-anybody, r-right?" I hated confrontations with Craig. It was, and probably still is, one of the scariest things in the world; even scarier than getting the genitals chopped off and fed to rabid chimpanzees, or the damned underpants gnomes kidnapping me while I sleep one night. OH GOD I'VE JUST SCARED MYSELF! GAH!

"Yeah, adventure as in, trying to learn how to ride a bike, or go on a hike with friends through the mountains, not the kinds of adventures those guys have, don't you know ANYTHING? You know what, whatever, I don't care. This is what you want to do, fine. I just don't care anymore." And with that, he walked away. I just wanted to cry.

Surely enough, he was right. It wasn't long before Steven Spielberg and George Lucas were hunting me down for the original print of Indiana Jones. And surely enough, just as soon as Kenny miraculously came back from the dead again, they didn't care and just stopped hanging out with me. Now, for the hardest part; begging Craig to let me back in.

Well, I knew that Craig probably wouldn't forgive me so readily, so I decided to try to get in through Thomas, Clyde, or Token. Either one would probably be forgiving. I guessed that Thomas would be the best option, because he and I could relate very well. For some reason, everyone thought we hated each other. Sure, his tics would scare the shit out of me, but that was about it. Otherwise, he was a spastic blonde, just like me!

"H-h-hey Tweek, how are COCKSUCKER you?" He cringed as he screamed out his tic again. Most people learned to just ignore it. After all, we all knew he genuinely couldn't control it, unlike Cartman the one time he faked Tourette's.

"I'm fine. L-listen, ERG Thomas, c-could I ask you a large, perhaps dangerous AH favor?" Oh god, I was so happy that I wasn't him. I'd be scared shitless to do what I was about to ask Thomas to do.

"Uh, well, now it completely depends on what." Wow, no tics, impressive!

"C-could y-you g-get m-me b-back into the g-g-g-g-g-g-g-group?" That was probably one of the worst stutters I've ever had.

"Oh, well SHIT sure, I don't FUCK see why not? As long as Craig BITCH doesn't mind." He began to turn a deep scarlet color. Poor guy.

So, that lunch, I sat with them. It was probably one of the most nerve-racking things I'd ever done. It would have a normal person shaking, so I was just past the point of no return. Craig wasn't there yet, so it was fine. Token was weary.

"You know, Tweek, Craig actually wouldn't even let us talk about you, so I'm not sure, for your own safety, if you sitting here is a good idea." He didn't mean it in a cruel get-the-hell-away-from-us way, he did mean it for my own safety.

"I know, but I've got nowhere else to go!" Token, and Jimmy too, looked sympathetically at me, and went back to their food. Sure enough, along came Clyde who was right behind Craig.

"So then I told her, 'well babe, if you want, my Dad actually owns a-" And he crashed right into Craig, who stopped dead in his tracks. It had caused Clyde to nearly crush his taco.

"Dude, what did you do that for!?" Then, he saw me. He could only let out a simply 'oh'. He figured that then would be a good time to get around him and quietly sit down on the edge of the table beside Token. It was silent for a few seconds, but oh man, the pressure and tenseness made it feel like an eternity! No one said anything. We all just looked at Craig. Well, except,

"TIMMY! Tim-timmah?" Well, at least the ice was somewhat broken?

"What are you doing here?" Heh, he always managed to sound like nothing was a big deal; just like it was a curious thing that didn't really bother him much.

"J-j-just s-s-s-s-s-sitting? Erg, i-is that a-a-al-alright?" Damn, I left to join Stan and Kyle to seem brave, not just prove how much of a coward I was!

"Why? Aren't you friends with Stan and Kyle? Oh, did they ditch you when Kenny came back? Ditching for somebody else, where does that sound familiar?" He didn't even sound spiteful, and for me to believe that he was actually personally hurt by my actions would have been a foolish mistake. Craig always hated being ditched by others.

"I-I-I-I-I OH GOD! I'M SORRY! YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU WERE RIGHT! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!" I practically broke into tears. Yep, definitely a moment that showed my evolving gayness. Craig just rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He said that…somewhat spitefully. Well, it wasn't total spite, right? Getting somewhere at least. However, he smacked Clyde right in the head with his tray as he passed to sit on the other side of Token in a piised-off demeanor.

"GOD DAMNIT why are you punishing me? He's the guy you're mad at!" Glad it's Clyde getting the anger, not me.

Things got better and nothing went wrong for a long time, well, except for when Craig went to Peru for a few days. Giant guinea pigs attacking the town, and my parents were not helping me at all! I thought I was going to die! But he came back, stopped the guinea pigs, and everything was back to normal for years to come. And then, our junior year of high school, grade eleven came, this year.

I fully admitted to myself to being gay in the summer when I woke up from a wet dream…with Craig. Actually, it was even more disturbing because I was dressed in a blue, red, and white princess dress, and he was in a red prince outfit. Then, I saw all of my other friends who looked like dwarves standing beside us as we kissed. I wasn't sure which was more disturbing, this version of Snow White, or the one where everybody melted into some sort of demon like form that I began to dream when I first started drinking coffee.

So, here we are, in the present day. Wow, thinking about the past, really reminds me that I am a fag. It also reminds me that for god's sakes, fairytales are for little girls and princesses, not spastic flaming technically closeted homosexuals in redneck towns like me. I really am-RING!

"GAH! OH JESUS CHRIST!" Wow, so in my own thoughts that I didn't even realize it was English class now. Clyde, Token, Stan, and Kenny who were in the same class as me, started to laugh.

"Wow, that was probably the best spaz moment so far!" Stan joked. "Too bad Kyle wasn't here to see it!" Yeah, yeah, keep on laughing…

We all walked out into the hall together, me trying to ignore the people's odd glances, and everybody else just trying to find our friends. Our high school, Park County High, was a compilation of all the students from all the small towns in the area. We were actually a pretty big school, I think there was about 600 of us (yeah, yeah, still not huge, but a good size).

Our grade was called the Park County Juniors, and we all hated that because every other grade and school laughed at us because we were the PCJ, which we found out later meant Pre-Cum-Jizz or something.

"Hey, Craig! You probably missed the greatest spazz attack Tweek has ever had!" Clyde laughed. Ha ha ha.

"Erg, I didn't mean to!" I said blinking only one of my eyes as I twitched my way through that sentence.

"Come on COCKS guys, not being able to control yourself really PUSSY sucks." Thomas cringed after he finished that. I feel bad for him because he feels so bad about what others have to put up with. If he didn't know that Craig actually personally prided himself on being able to hang out with him, then he truly was the douchiest idiot I had ever met. Lucky bastard…

"Whatevah guys, lets go to lunch now! I'm starvin'" Cartman, always putting food before everything else. His green eyes looked hungrily towards the cafeteria, and he marched forward, brown hair swaying slightly behind him. He was still a fat ass, but looked a little slimmer then when he was a kid. Actually, everybody looked different.

Kyle was about 5'10, so not super tall, and had tamed his red hair with lots of Marc Anthony hair products. One time, he tried to straighten it, and his hair went nearly half way down his back! And it was the day before grade 6 grad, so it was freaking hilarious! Only Stan was sympathetic to his cause.

Stan, who grew to a whopping 6'1, was the star quarterback of the PCC, Park County Cows. Don't know how South Park managed to get their mascot to win; I would have chosen the Park County Stallions, as did almost everyone else. Now we were stuck with a cow running around the field, and poor Butters who somehow got stuck as the mascot, kept on tripping over the gigantic udder. Anyways, back to Stan now. His brown eyes go nicely with his slightly longer-than-normal black hair, but everyone always thinks he has blue eyes, and I can't figure out why.

Clyde, blue eyes, short brown hair, and only slightly chubby at most, still looked the same, and was taller than Kyle, shorter than Stan. Token, taller than all of us at 6'3, still looked the same and had kind of Jamaican looking hair for some reason. Looked good on him though. Kenny, still skinny, being poor and all, stooped wearing his hood and wore an orange vest jacket everyday that showed off his muscular arms and complimented his aqua eyes and long blonde hair nicely. He and Clyde became the lady-killers of the school. Butters, still looked the same, actually more like a girl now, and still acted the same to everybody. Jimmy, Timmy, still the same, just taller. Yep, everybody looked the same, even me, with my hazel eyes that practically literally popped out of my face. And of course Thomas, fairly hot (wow, I am gay), but still looked the same.

But then, there was Craig. He was the same height as Stan, with hair the color of the night sky. His grey eyes sparkled like the moon. His smile, perfected after years of braces, could brighten the entire room. He had a nicely toned body, not too many muscles, but not lacking; just nice and perfect. He still wore his blue hat. And he had the cutest hint of freckles on his face, but just a hint so you had to look closely to see. The girls were smart on the actual list to have made Craig the hottest (well, at least I heard he was the hottest from somewhere). It's at times like these that I realize how incredibly, super duper gay I really am. I'm an even faggier fag than Mr. Garrison! Yeha! Go me!

"Hey guys, anyone wanna go out to the movies this weekend or something? You know, just sort of hang out?" Kyle was always the planner of our get-togethers. I really thought, and so did everybody else, that he was gay for Stan, and vise-versa. After all, Stan did mysteriously dump Wendy for some reason….

"Sure." Everybody said through mouthfuls of food. Yep, all slobs. I just sipped on my warm coffee in my Harbucks thermos and watched everybody else, like I always did. Then, someone lightly tapped me on the shoulder.

"Tweek, can I SHIT talk to you MOTHER FUCKER privately and discretely COCK MASTER well, as discretely as possible in the bathroom right now?" Ow, my ears hurt. He screamed obscenities into my ear very loudly trying to be quiet. Not his fault, not his fault, but still, owwwwwww. I just nod, and everybody stares at us, clearly something is up with Thomas.

We got there quickly, and we stayed quiet. No one else was there, and he just stared at the floor, his back turned to, while I stood a good distance behind him staring at his back. Hmm, he was wearing a checkered shirt again today. Looks good with his hair. GOD DAMNIT ANOTHER FAG MOMENT! If I keep having these, I'll get busted for sure. ACK!

"So, is there something you need or-"

"I'm gay for Craig and I'm going to tell him tonight."

We stood in silence for what felt like eternity. I tried to congratulate him on coming out, I really did, because I know it can be hard, but still, wow… we need something to break the silence, I think.

"SHIT MASTER!"

"GAH!"

Maybe not.

AN: (Don'tKillKenny on ) Ok, well, there it is, my first chapter. Hoped you all like it. I'll try to update soon, this is my first attempt at a Creek or Cromas fic. Not great, and I wanted to get Tweek's character right, but I got the feeling that he was different inside then out, I don't know, your opinions are appreciated! Chapter will hopefully be funnier later!


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